To Be a Man
by Cylisy
Summary: Zuko reflects on his childhood and the childish decision he made in the attempt to become a man.


**Disclaimer: I do _not_ own Avatar: The Last Airbender.**

**A/N: This was going to be a mini-series or a sort of commercial in my mult-chapter story "Lighting the Flame" but I realized that it was probably not a good idea so I've moved it here as a drabble.**

**It's a little pointless really. Just a quick writing about an idea I had floating around in my head about Zuko.**

**Told from Zuko's point of view.**

**I may continue this with further "drabbles", but don't expect a regular update on this one. I'm more concerned with "Lighting the Flame". Which I now owe two updates by Tuesday, ha ha. I better write, then!**

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**To Be a Man**  
_Written by: Cylisy_

When I was a child, I always knew what I was going to do for the rest of my life, how I was going to do it, and whom I would do it with. My entire life was laid out for me on a silver platter and I was more than willing to accept it. I was of the royal family, of noble blood. My life would not be an adventurous one to live because, as royalty, much of my life would be lived for me and I would merely follow in the tracks laid out for me. When to eat, what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, how to think—everything that I could imagine was already thought out by a council of mad old Firebenders. My only duty was to follow the path and do what I was told.

I was never happy with this.

I did not mind being royalty because it definitely had its advantages. I would never have to really struggle and I would have a rather easy life. For this I really did not complain. But I was always a rebellious youth.

There were countless times that I would cause many problems for anybody that I could manage to trouble. My caregivers, my tutors, the gardeners, the cook (especially the cook), my trainers—everyone! I was a little terror, but no one could do anything about it because I was royalty. My blood was my shield. It made me invincible.

It was not until I was fourteen years old that I learned of my vulnerability.

_"The Earth Kingdom defenses are concentrated here."_

It was my first time in the war chamber. I was to be a man one day and direct the troops so it was my belief that I should learn to be a man as soon as I could.

_"A dangerous battalion of their strongest earthbenders and fiercest warriors, so I am recommending the 41st division."_

It was very interesting and informing to watch the generals debate over the strategies of war. I could not be more excited.

_"But the 41st is entirely new recruits. How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?"_

Even though I was just fourteen, I instinctively knew that the direction the conversation was taking was a dangerous and immoral turn.

_"I don't. They'll be used as a distraction while we mount an attack from the rear. What better to use as bait then fresh meat?" _

I took the chance to be a man as I stood up against the general:

_"You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?"_

But I did not know then that I was too young to be a man.

My childish actions proved to be anything other than that a man would do. They were foolish and had been made without any thought as to the consequences. How I regret that day, that minute, that brief, brief moment that changed everything. It is the one time that brings me the most shame and humility. This one decision led to a battle of honor and dissolved into a moment of complete humility as I begged for forgiveness.

I begged.

I, Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation and heir to the throne, groveled shamelessly at the feet of my father.

A man does not beg for anything.

Here I am; a boy who cannot even _pretend_ to be a man.

I have traveled the world for two years in a search of the Avatar to regain my honor and perhaps to get a chance at becoming a man in the eyes of my father but even in this I have failed. A boy has been able to outwit me, best me in battle, and has thrown more shame into my face than ever before. I have taken everything that this world has to offer just to become a man and yet I can't—I can't be a man! Am I to be a child forever? What will it take for me to be a man?

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End file.
